i have been blank as of lately. not knowing what to say and when to say it in the right moment i mean to say it is so cool. sike. i don't know so much anymore, not as if i did prior; just more lost than usual. i am stuck in that irreversible trans where i can see, hear, and comprehend everything that is going on around me, but i am stuck on mute, or just not as outright as i was in my mind. that's another thing my mind has made up it's own mind about shit; it's letting shit go and it has been great, i don't think about half the people i used to get excited/upset over...i finally just let it ride. i thought about the effort that was being put forth towards me and found it to be less than the equal to my efforts, so i spend my days with the ones who do? it's not like im going to stop with my efforts with people, because that's just how i am; i'm just going to be more selective from here on out.  i've been sitting back trying to watch these kids take their form; learning new things about how a lot of them truely are. i like most of them a lot. im sick of my house; things are just escalating and i want to leave. i want to leave not just my house, but FLA. my brother wants to move to boston and if he goes i'm leaving, that or indiana. i think the real difference in the people around here ( im not saying everyone by ANY means don't misunderstand me) compared to myself is: when i say i am going to do something, i fully intend on doing it, by all means necessary. i've been pushing things off that i should be doing such as: my homework; i suppose that's because i hate it. i go because i don't want to be stuck. a lot of people don't realize that's what's going to happen to them if they don't straighten their priorities out; maybe mine aren't? maybe i should stop thinking. i am trying something unfamiliar

( a reason to live )

i have been going through this awesomely weird learning craze..i don't know what it is. anything i can learn about i have been reading.
i read this thing all about galileo and how he didn't invent the telescope, contraray to popular belief, he was just one of the first to actually use it to look at the sky....poor bastard only had like 20x ...hahah that's so sad. better than nothing i suppose.
then on and on blazze blah.. then talking about geocentric system, compared to the haliocentric (model)system, and how galileo supported and agreed with the haliocentric model. basically the differences are; in a geocentric solar system the plantes and the sun ( pretty much the universe) circles around the earth. compared to the haliocentric solar system that copernicus made, states that the sun is the center of the universe. there you have it. makes more sence. but then again when galileo, and copercinus lived they didn't even have the word "scientist" - that is a fact right there.( 1400's)

when i read that all i couldn't help think of is how there's so much more that i don't know and how i can't help but want to keep learning more and more.  i wish i was soo much more advanced at math..i would become a pysicist, or an astronomer. ah so much math.

but then i love biology

a teacher once told me i should be one of those people who draws diagrams of microscopic cells, and animals, you know...the ones you see in your text books and such. like in botonay...for those of you who had pelfrey...he used to draw his diagrams from a drawing that someone of this stature did. it's pretty much a lot of >> look in microscope. draw a little line...look back in scope...continue.<< tedious...ahhh just so perfect for me.

i would like to know what this profession is called.

ahh that's right professional artist. >> with income. ha

but, for real i would like to know. so tell me if you know.

i want to move to boston, and live near fenway so i can go to games anytime i want... i would make a sign that says " millar is my dawg" i fucking love that guy. it's odd how when i want to customize a fucking shirt they don't have his name. they have youkalis...but millar who has been a lead of hitter for sometime now..naahh why would we put him on there? oh yeah jody wants a shirt. forgot. ha i will get it though.

enough crap. good day to you. 

ok so here's for a little update.....

i really don't believe in putting my personal thoughts in here because i feel like that's just lame and shit but this is mostly just crap..hahah so shoot.

so i was on my way to publix and, as i was leaving my subdivision i saw these two kids my age in their car, so i stopped and asked if they were ok. the girl replied with " oh yeah, thanks we're fine, but by any chance do you have a phone?" and i looked around in my car, and of course i left it at home. so i told the girl "i could go get if you'd like?" and she said " oh thanks sooo much" ...so i turned around and went in and got my phone and brought it back to her. she used it, they had a ride, and i went on my way. i get to publix, and my phone rings and i don't know the number so i answer it anyway...it's their roommate saying the kid that she needed to have him call's phone was shut off...so they don't have a ride.....so i told the kid..." well how far do they live?" and he said " not too far off of aloma" so i told him i would just give them and ride no big deal. so i left publix and go to get them and their groceries. i got there and told them that i was going to give them a ride. they were super nice kids...and then when i dropped them guy insisted that i take $10 for giving them a ride....i kept telling him i didn't need the money, no and he wouldn't hear of it so after me telling him like 3 times he said, no please. so i took it and said i hope you get the car fixed and i left. all with smiles none the less.

i feel like i hope someone NORMAL like myself would do that for me if i needed help

im trying not to swear so much, my mom keeps telling me " it's a waste of you broad vocabulary, can you try to say something other than " fuck" " so hahah i am trying..but inevitably failing..hahahah.

trying to complete 2 miles a day swimming...and actually doing well with that...every now and then the weather spites me, but not so badly lately except for today.

trying to be nicer than i normally am. so when im mean im just joking with you fools.

looking for a job, so if you know anything tell me.

done.

granduation is soon....may 22nd....and it's sad. im sad because i know a lot of kids i know i wont talk to anymore after graduation. i guess i want them all to know they've done something for me in some way and this is me saying thank you to those kids...and they know who they are ; )

http://www.111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111.com

this is cool.